Words, friends and belly-laughing

By Virginia Winder

Paritutu on the right

Yesterday’s blog got lost in laughter.

I had a day filled with friends, old and new, and just ran out of time to write.

So today, I’m writing about that wonderful lift you get being with people fully focused and in the moment.

Do you remember what it was like when you were a kid and you played away the hours with friends and only returned home for lunch and dinner? We could have been building huts or a raft to float down the river in our backyard or heading off on expeditions down the breakwater or to climb Paritutu.

Yesterday was like that.

First I had coffee with an American writer called Travis Heermann, whose work I love. He’s written the Ronin series and a werewolf novel called The Wild Boys.

We talked about writing, energetically discussing his work and my dreams, publishing options and just having a go. 

One of his favourite quotes from another writer is “dare to suck”.

“It means that you have to recognise that what you are writing is not good, but you have to write it any way and it’s an act of courage to keep going,” Travis says.

Another quote, from Elizabeth Gilbert goes something like: “The muse mostly shows up for people who are writing.”

He says the “mostly” comes from the fact that inspiration can also come when you’re in the shower or taking a walk.

My next inspiring rendezvous was with two former Young Enterprise Scheme students, who were from the award-winning Aotearoa Audible team from New Plymouth Girls’ High School.

Sharleen and Nikaela are now grown up, have university degrees and their own careers. I have gone from mentoring teenagers to being friends with these vivacious young women. Their team-mate Meg is having a ball overseas, which is also great to follow.

As we talked over coffee, fully focused on their new futures, I felt that inner pleasure you get from listening to others with deep concentration.

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Next came Mark, my mate since I was 13. He lives in Christchurch and is one of the most loyal people I know. 

We get straight to the point, talking about the things that matter in life, family, the dog, job, home and possible love interests (in his case, not mine). That’s what true friendship is about; just slipping easily into a deep place of sharing.

Then we went out for dinner with old school friends, Stan, Eve, Rob, Rick and Tracey, plus my husband Warren.

They drank – I was the completely sober driver – and we talked about everything. We covered wide ground, from San Francisco and gun laws to local body politics in our home town of New Plymouth. We also heard of Rick and Tracey’s overseas travels, and the moving-on plans of others.

Then we played a ridiculous game called Cards Against Humanity, which was hilariously un-PC and outrageously bad taste.

We belly-laughed, choked up with mirth and in some cases cried with hilarity.

Finally, at 2.45am, we called it a night. Now you can see why my blog didn’t get written.

Oh, but the joy of laughing with good friends. I still feel the buzz now as I write this – and there’s science behind why.

An international research team, led by Oxford University, found that when we laugh properly, as opposed to producing a polite titter, the physical exertion leaves us exhausted and thereby triggers the release of protective endorphins.

These endorphins, one of the complex neuropeptide chemicals produced in the brain, manage pain and promote feelings of wellbeing, the researchers say.

According to the team’s research paper, watching just 15 minutes of comedy with others increased pain threshold by an average of about 10 per cent.

“The fact that only this type of laughter releases endorphins has probably evolved as a way of promoting socialising amongst humans,” says the paper.

It points out that many studies have already shown that laughter is 30 times more likely to occur if you are with others than when alone. “The endorphin rush appears to be limited to a good belly laugh, shared with others.”

Funnily enough that old saying, “laughter is the best medicine”, is scientifically accurate and, believe me, old friends are definitely the best to belly-laugh with.