In hot water over bluebottles

By Virginia Winder

You’re diving under a frothy wave at the beach when you feel a sharp burning along your leg.

In the lull between waves, you notice a blue tentacle stuck to your knee and calf, so you use the seawater to frantically rub it off.

The tentacle has gone but the burning becomes more intense, so you head for shore realising you’ve been stung by a bluebottle.

So what do you do?

My guesses are you’ll think cold water, ice, vinegar or even aloe vera will help. Well you’d be wrong. Absolutely off the mark. Completely amiss.

I’m writing this because there has been a swarm of these weird-looking blue-bladder sea creatures at Oakura and signs of it at other beaches in Taranaki.

I’m also writing because I’m sick of the wrong advice being given to people about what to do.

The answer is, according to both the National Poisons Centre and the Ministry of Health (MoH) website, that the best way to treat bluebottle stings is with hot water.

In fact, the MoH recommends immersing the part of your body that’s been stung into water 45 degrees Celsius for up to 20 minutes. Showers also work.

I’ve had a sting. The long tentacle of a bluebottle, which can reach up to 10 metres in length, wrapped around my hand like blue thread. After I washed it off, my hand felt like it was on fire.

I went home and immersed myself in a shower as hot as I could bear it. My nephew was stung on his torso and we gave him the hot water treatment too and the pain disappeared miraculously.  

What happens, says Leo Schep from the National Poisons Centre, is the hot water “denatures” the sting. In layperson’s terms that means the heat changes the structure of the venom, which is a protein. Hot water does that in much the same way as cooking an egg white, causing the pain to immediately stop.

“Don’t use vinegar, because that will just make it release more of the venom,” he says.

The MoH backs this up in its treatment for jellyfish stings.

“If you can get vinegar, pour this over the stung area (but do not use vinegar for bluebottle stings),” its website says.

So there you have it – hot water is the answer to a close encounter with a blue stinger.

This comes from the experts and personal experience.

Cook that venom! 

A watery tale of pain and pesto

By Virginia Winder

It was a night of mild celebration in the kitchen tonight as I made pesto for the first time.

I picked basil straight from the herb garden, used a combination of olive and flax-seed oils, toasted pinenuts, fresh garlic and grated parmesan and whirred the ingredients together in the food processor.

Heaps of you will have done this, but I’ve lost my confidence in the kitchen, despite being a long-time food writer.

So tonight’s effort was made with “support” from my home cook husband Warren, who watched me as fixedly as a cat stalking a rat. (We have had resident rodents lately, but that’s another story.)  

“In my humble opinion, I would do this…” he said, or “I don’t want to interfere, but…”

I kept my cool, just, and did my thing. The result is a good-looking pesto, which will go with tonight’s salmon and on pita bread tomorrow with feta.

As I’m writing this I can hear my husband Warren pulling the husks off sweetcorn, one of my great foodie loves. You see when fresh fruit and vegetables are in season, I devour them until I’m sick of them until next season.

Breakfast is muesli, soaked in water for a few hours or overnight, with organic blueberries from the Farmers Market Taranaki, and/or chopped up nectarine and a plain yoghurt. I’m trying a kefir coconut yoghurt at the moment and it’s delicious.

Lunch can be anything from eggs on toasted slices of a friend’s home-made organic sourdough bread to three cobs of corn. I don’t have anything on the corn, not even my old friend, or should I say enemy, butter.

You may think that butter’s OK, but you see I have a bit of a butter thing. Other people love chocolate or cheese (alright, so do I), but butter has always been my downfall. That’s one of the main reasons I’m eating little bread these days.

Another big thing for me is drinking water.

I failed miserably on Monday. We went to the beach five times that day, braved the heat slathered with sunblock, but I simply forgot to drink. It felt like it was enough to be in the sea.

It wasn’t.

Bodysurfing at Fitzroy Beach on Monday night

In the evening I spent an hour co-hosting a weekly radio show with my mate Al in a studio that was as hot as a day in the tropics.

Warren and I had another swim in the sea, which cooled me down but I didn't have enough fluids inside me.

In the night I started feeling hot and cold, nauseous and weak, my head a percussion instrument of pain. Most of Tuesday was spent in a dark room, fan on, painkillers on board and drinking, drinking, drinking.

Still felt washed out yesterday, but kept up the water-drinking regime.

Today, I’m back to normal, focused on fresh food, throwing back water, making strides in the kitchen and generally feeling great about life.

And best of all – hey presto, I made pesto and it tastes good.

Answering the call for help

By Virginia Winder

Friday was draining, but I would have done it all again.

I had a phone call, strangely, from a finance company that a friend was in a bad way, mentally.

My friend was having suicidal thoughts and was speaking to the company when everything became too much for him. The call person at the company, impressively, stayed on the line until I got to my friend. 

It was a hot Friday afternoon and my lovely friend was in distress.

My job was to be with him, give him support without judgement, without trying to fix him and to seek professional help.

I may have been through a lot in my life, but I do not have the professional expertise that others have. I am simply a supportive stop gap to stand alongside someone I care about.

As support, I listened, hugged and allowed my friend to let it out. I did not preach to him in any shape or form, which is not a helpful thing to do in this situation.

Listening is everything.

So is a practical plan.

Together, we made phone calls for support from the mental health team at the Taranaki District Health Board – when in need call the local crisis team. In this case it was the home-based acute mental health team who organised a doctor’s appointment for admittance into the acute adult mental health ward.

Now for anybody thinking that is extreme, if you have someone with suicidal thoughts – and a plan – you need to ensure they are safe. That is number one and the ward is a safe place.

If you can’t get hold of the crisis team or anybody else at mental health (they are busy people), you can call 111 for assistance. The police will help, especially in a matter of life and death.

Staying with my friend was paramount. If a person ever contacts you – even via a finance company – to say they have suicidal thoughts, you need to help. A swim at the beach or a Festival of the Lights gig (which I missed through exhaustion), are insignificant compared to being with a friend in need.

My friend, like myself, has ongoing episodes of mental unwellness. I’ve been there for him before and will always be available to stand at his side until he gets the help he needs. I had to keep him safe, so a few hours or even several on a hot Friday afternoon are nothing in the big scheme of things.

Most of you will have friends who may need you from time to time. Please be there for them. Just your presence is enough because sometimes it’s unsafe for us to be alone.

Thankfully my friend reached out for help, so this is also a message to any of you to do the same. You’ll know your rock solid supporters. Go to them. 

And when, and if, you are called for support, please help if you can. You could save a life.

Procrastination stealing my dreams

By Virginia Winder

When in doubt procrastinate.

That’s been my fall-back position for years and it’s not working for me.

Dilly-dallying, delaying, dawdling and just plain avoidance is the reason why I haven’t written a novel before now. I feel stuck.

“My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time,” Charles Dickens says.

Like Dickens (although I’m not in his category), I have a burning desire to write, have a strong story idea, think about my characters constantly, but – there’s that stalling word – I’m worried my writing won’t be good enough.

My own doubts are thwarting me.

So I have been researching overcoming procrastination because if I get to the end of this month, let alone my life, and haven't written a lot, I will be deeply disappointed with myself.

In a book called The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-free Play by Neil Fiore, he talks about the language we use on ourselves.

“I should be…, I could be… I have to…”

Instead, Fiore talks about “I choose”. That gives us the power back.

I choose to write a novel. Yes, there is a lot of freedom in those words.

You might have things you want to do: I choose to save for an overseas trip; I choose to train for a marathon; I choose to write the annual report...

Use the word “choose” for anything you have, want or need to do.

Fiore also talks about reverse planning to reach a goal. Look at the end and work your way back in small increments.

For this novel, I need to write about 100,000 words. If I write 500 words a day five days a week, to reach my goal should take 40 weeks, which is around 10 months. Taking in to account my freelancing work, that is realistic, but I could definitely knock out more in not-so-busy weeks.

Former Poet Laureate, novelist and short story writer Elizabeth Smither always does her maths before embarking on a novel too.

"If you just keep going it goes on piling itself up,” she says in a Taranaki Story on the Puke Ariki website.

She also has a huge amount of self-discipline and dogged determination: "When I start something, come hell or high water, I don't let myself off the hook.”

According to the Mind Tools website, people procrastinate for many reasons, the main ones being because something is unpleasant, they are disorganised or they may feel overwhelmed by the task – it’s just too big.

Into the mix, I'd add self-doubts, feelings of inadequacy and the need to be a perfectionist.

There are many ways people procrastinate – you will know your patterns.

My wasted time is mainly via my phone. There is the newsfeed on Facebook to scroll through, stuff to read on Stuff, Instagram posts to view, emails to peruse and Twitter to flick over.

Hi, my name is Virginia and I am a digital procrastinator. 

Now I choose to become a fiction writer; just knocking out this blog post has clarified my thoughts.

There are other ways to bust out of this bad habit; this stealer of dreams.

 With help from Mind Tools, here are some tips to beat procrastination:

• Reward yourself for getting a task done or reaching a short- or long-term goal.
• Ask someone else to check up on you. Peer pressure works (Christine Fenton, you are needed).
• Identify the unpleasant consequences of NOT doing the task.
• Become a master of scheduling – book in time to do your work, training, novel etc. Make this time as immovable as a meeting appointment.
• Set yourself time-bound goals, like I will spend three hours on this task today, or I will train for 1 hour today.
• Focus on one task at a time.
• Break the project into a set of smaller, more manageable tasks. This is as applicable for ironman training as it is for creating a new garden.  
• Start with some quick, small tasks if you can, even if these aren't the logical first actions.

There, the tools are in place to go forth and follow that goal or dream that’s eating away at you.

I’ll leave you with the wise words of Benjamin Franklin: “You may delay, but time will not, and lost time is never found again.”

Creativity is the art of doing

In the first in a series of interviews with inspiring people, Virginia Winder meets an exponent of creativity.

Being creative means taking action, says New Plymouth artist and musician Wayne Morris.

“I could have bits of ideas but if I don’t do anything with them I have no creativity.”

Wayne Morris: Everybody as the potential to be creative.

Wayne, who has been a keynote speaker at creativity conferences around the world, says that first of all comes imagination, then creativity, followed by innovation.

“Imagination is the ability to conceive of what is not,” he says. “Creativity is applying that and innovation is novel and useful creativity that generates value.”

Just what creativity can be is wide – it can involve everything from making a garden or art piece to making a life.

“The process of being creative is the same for a painting and for a life,” he says. “If I’m going to be creative, I have to get it out into the world somewhere.”

There is a myth that creativity hits only some people at certain times like a bolt of lightning or when the muse comes a-calling. 

Wayne believes it’s learnable, achievable and not a mystery.

“Sometimes you have to start working and the muse hits. It’s getting involved. If you wait for a muse it may never arrive. Sometimes you have to start writing or painting or gardening…”

Creativity is the art of doing.

“It’s like having an itch. You are not sure what it’s about, but you scratch it and you’re not sure where it’s going to go.”

But what do creative people actually do? “They make stuff up. You become more creative by becoming more creative. Heavily creative people have to be creative – it’s not about choice.”

The quickest way to become creative is hanging around with creative people, Wayne says.

Highly creative people also have habits that less creative people don’t.

A sheet from an international conference written by Wayne lists these as: Open, collect, challenge, explore, surround, seclude, play and make.

There are also a great deal of opposites in the creative character, as written by Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi, in the book Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery of Invention.

These are:

1. Has a great deal of physical energy AND is also quiet and often at rest.
2. Tend to be smart AND naïve at the same time.
3. Playful AND disciplined.
4. Alternates between imagination and fantasy AND a rooted sense of reality.
5. Extroverted AND introverted.
6. Humble AND proud.
7. Psychologically androgynous – strengths of own gender and those of other.
8. Rebellious and independent AND traditional and conservative.
9. Passionate AND objective.
10. Openness and sensitivity exposes them to suffering and pain AND a great deal of enjoyment.

“I believe everybody has the potential to be creative,” Wayne says.

For those folk who are already creative, it’s who they are and what they do. “It took me a long time to get that.”

Those highly creative bods are a little bit different, or feel that they are. 

“Creative people often spend a whole bunch of time alone.”

And highly creative people work – hard. 

“The biggest difference between you and Picasso (pictured) or Einstein or whoever your heroes are is that they out work you. They spend more time in front of a canvas, or guitar or computer, working away at applying their minds and souls to specific things,” writes author Scott Berkun.

So, to be a creative person, you need to get going in an area you care about and put in the time and effort, says Wayne, who organised the first NZ Creative Challenge conference, held in New Plymouth in April 2013.

Pick up that pen, pencil, paintbrush, guitar, trowel or spatula – the time is now.

New plans to hatch

By Virginia Winder

The nest is empty at our place.

After nearly 22 years of having children at home, our son has flown the coop.

I’ve been sad all week, making him give me hugs at every turn, telling him how much I love him and how I’ll miss him, tempered of course with the other side of things: “This is a fantastic opportunity and will be an exciting time of your life.”

As my husband, Warren, drove off to Auckland with a carful of flat-worthy everything, Nelson and his girlfriend Rachael, I stood and waved, a big smile on my face.

I had a few quiet tears, but that was it. I came back in and got on with writing. Today’s been a busy one and that’s a blessing, I’m sure.

No doubt their absence will wallop me next week. Or maybe not – Skype is a great way of connecting with whanau.

But the truth is I mean it about the excitement. My greatest wish for my children is that they get out there and have adventures, new experiences and live life to the full.

As for wishing them happiness, that’s another story completely. I’m not a person that seeks happiness for its own sake, but I do seek contentment and for others.

For my children I wish that they have purpose, fulfilment and their hours are spent doing things they enjoy, or are even passionate about.

I’m a bit of an existentialist at heart. That’s the idea that in life there will be suffering and pain, birth and death, and in-between that, if you have happiness, then great.

Naturally, you want your children to be well, to have fun, find love and be the best they can be. But this is their life and with that come choices.

Our daughter, Clementine, lives and works in Wellington, where she’s immersed in books.

Nelson is going to film and TV school in Glenfield. He’ll have his ups and downs, but hopefully, there will be so many great moments (possibly caught on film) that these will prevail. He’s been obsessed with movies for years, so this new move is exciting.

So how do you let go?

Live your own life fully and find purpose. That’s what Acceptance Commitment Therapy is all about. I’m not an expert in this – that’s Dr Russ Harris’ mantle – but having something that drives you to get out of bed can be so helpful. Also, doing something for others is important.

My purpose has always been writing and deadlines. There have been a few times that I’ve had to ask for help from my freelance journalism colleagues, but most of the time, even when things look bleak, it’s been those stories due that have pushed me.

So for me, deadlines are actually lifelines.

This blog, the growing novel and my freelance journalism work can’t replace my children, but they certainly help fill in my day.

And those smart-arse conversations that punctuated my day, well they just might end up in my writing.

There is much to fill this empty nest with.

Add daily doses of self-compassion

By Virginia Winder

Body-surfing nourishes my soul

I was in a flap today.

Was reading notes from an interview about a blueberry orchard when I got a phone call telling me I was late for a massage.

All day I had remembered work appointments and was on time for all of them, but come to the one thing in my diary that was strictly for me and I forgot.

There was no need to panic though. I put my walking shoes on and raced to the appointment and had a great massage.

Two things have arisen from this that I want to share with you.

The first is not to go into stress mode because actually it’s not the end of the world if you miss a few minutes of something (except for the start of a movie).

The other is about self-compassion.

We too often put ourselves at the bottom of the caring-for list and this was an example of that in action.

There are three main types of compassion – the type we have for others, the type people have for us and thirdly, the compassion we have for ourselves.

For balance, we need all three in equal amounts.

What does self-compassion look like? Having massages when you need them, taking an afternoon nap if feel like it, eating healthy food, not over-working, going for lunch with a friend, taking a stroll with a mate, having an early night and doing things to nourish your soul.

When I talk about the soul, I mean that inner part of you that responds to music, art, movies, nature, creative exploits, being with good friends, laughter and mindfulness meditation or prayer. 

It’s the part of you that feels. It also enables you to transcend into another state of being – a calm, beautiful and even euphoric state that can be incredibly healing.

For me, the things I love doing most are body-surfing, going to a music festival or concert, listening to music that stirs me, watching a movie that takes me out of myself and doing arty things with an audio book playing.

Practising mindfulness is also an act of self-compassion.

That’s what this blog is for me because I am fully focused on the words and writing.

We all have one thing or many that take us to the place of contentment. These activities need to be part of our lives, not just an after-thought.

Note to self – book another massage.

We can make a difference

By Virginia Winder

There are people in our community who live on the fringes.

They are like a backdrop to our lives, create colour and texture to our every-day living.

You know them by sight, but no details about them except surface ones.

There’s the homeless woman who asks for money; there’s the transgender person who walks around my neighbourhood; there’s the bearded guy who can be evangelical at times, especially in regards to art and womanly forms.

Then there’s Murray, whose farewell I went to today.

He was a big guy who walked the streets of New Plymouth at a steady pace, determination in his gait.

Sometimes he had have a friend in tow, a slighter man, who grinned at the world.

Murray would wave if you tooted, in person he gave great hugs and he would always greet you with a beaming smile.

Sadly, he was a man who lived with experience of mental illness, which put him on the fringes of society. Yet, he was a capable man, adept at martial art, a great surfer in his earlier days, a butcher by trade and so damn eager to work.

What a likeable guy.

Yet, because of his ongoing battles he became marginalised.

During my time working for Like Minds Taranaki and also in the three stints I’ve had in Te Puna Waiora (the adult mental health ward at Taranaki Base Hospital), I came across so many talented people.

I met artists, musicians, farmers, writers, great orators, those with deep understanding of Maori culture, organisers, leaders, teachers and, of course, a butcher. Many of these people were jobless, some because they were too ill to work and others because their unwellness was an impediment to employment.

It’s only us who can make a difference.

There are people and businesses in our community accepting of people who are different, who don’t fit the norms.

Treating people with respect, proffering genuine friendship, offering employment if possible and just being there with a smile and warm greeting can make the difference in anybody’s life. But it’s even more important for those on the fringes.

Wouldn’t it be an amazing world if those people were embraced by society for their talents or just being who they are?

Today, when I was driving I saw a figure who looked like Murray and for a second my heart lifted and then it sunk.

I’ll miss seeing him striding our streets.

Sleep essential for wellness

By Virginia Winder

Getting a goodnight’s sleep isn’t a luxury for me, it’s a necessity.

Experts say that all people should look at sleep in the same way because a lack of it can have dire consequences for the mind and body.

If I don’t sleep well three nights in a row, it can be a sign I’m either heading towards a depressive slump or a bout of over-energetic hyper-mania.

Also, for me deep tiredness can feel exactly like depression and only a goodnight’s sleep can reveal the truth.

If I wake up feeling replete and fine, then it was just exhaustion nibbling at my psyche.

Sitting here, listening to David Bowie’s 1971 album, Hunky Dory, I’m feeling great sadness at his loss.

Grief also feels like depression.

When my mum and dad died in a car crash in 1999, I learnt to tell the difference between the two. It all came down to what I was thinking about.

If I was feeling sad and thinking about my beloved ma and pa, I was suffering from grief.

But if I was thinking about other things, then that was depression. For the first couple of years after they died, it was grief that floored me more than diagnosed depression.

Now before you think I’m forever depressed, I do have long spells without getting down. I just had 14 months without a glimpse of it and when I did get walloped in the second week of November, it only lasted five weeks.

Why it hit, is anybody’s guess. Why it disappeared one Tuesday morning, I have no idea.

What I do know is that sleep is an essential ingredient in staying well.

The Harvard Medical School says: “Sleep problems are more likely to affect patients with psychiatric disorders than people in the general population.”

It also reports that sleep problems may increase the risk for developing particular mental illnesses and also result from such disorders.

“Treating the sleep disorder may help alleviate symptoms of the mental health problem.”

Harvard says there many benefits to sleep.

The deepest stage of quiet sleep produces physiological changes that help boost the immune system.

In REM (rapid eye movement) sleep, people experience the dream state. “Studies report that REM sleep enhances learning and memory, and contributes to emotional health — in complex ways.”

On the flip side, sleep disruption affects levels of neurotransmitters and stress hormones – and more. It wreaks havoc in the brain, impairing thinking and emotional regulation and then comes the chicken or the egg scenario: “Insomnia may amplify the effects of psychiatric disorders, and vice versa.”

So, on Sunday, I chose to go to bed instead of writing my blog. I was deeply tired and feeling that edgy, niggling feeling in my gut that can mean impending gloom. It wasn’t.

I woke up this morning feeling bright, refreshed and cheerful.

Now, I’m just feeling deep sadness at the loss of one of my musical heroes. RIP David Bowie, your music touched my heart, my soul and tickled my muse for many years – and will do for more to come.

“I, I will be king

And you, you will be queen

Though nothing will drive them away

We can beat them, just for one day

We can be Heroes, just for one day..."

Words, friends and belly-laughing

By Virginia Winder

Paritutu on the right

Yesterday’s blog got lost in laughter.

I had a day filled with friends, old and new, and just ran out of time to write.

So today, I’m writing about that wonderful lift you get being with people fully focused and in the moment.

Do you remember what it was like when you were a kid and you played away the hours with friends and only returned home for lunch and dinner? We could have been building huts or a raft to float down the river in our backyard or heading off on expeditions down the breakwater or to climb Paritutu.

Yesterday was like that.

First I had coffee with an American writer called Travis Heermann, whose work I love. He’s written the Ronin series and a werewolf novel called The Wild Boys.

We talked about writing, energetically discussing his work and my dreams, publishing options and just having a go. 

One of his favourite quotes from another writer is “dare to suck”.

“It means that you have to recognise that what you are writing is not good, but you have to write it any way and it’s an act of courage to keep going,” Travis says.

Another quote, from Elizabeth Gilbert goes something like: “The muse mostly shows up for people who are writing.”

He says the “mostly” comes from the fact that inspiration can also come when you’re in the shower or taking a walk.

My next inspiring rendezvous was with two former Young Enterprise Scheme students, who were from the award-winning Aotearoa Audible team from New Plymouth Girls’ High School.

Sharleen and Nikaela are now grown up, have university degrees and their own careers. I have gone from mentoring teenagers to being friends with these vivacious young women. Their team-mate Meg is having a ball overseas, which is also great to follow.

As we talked over coffee, fully focused on their new futures, I felt that inner pleasure you get from listening to others with deep concentration.

.

Next came Mark, my mate since I was 13. He lives in Christchurch and is one of the most loyal people I know. 

We get straight to the point, talking about the things that matter in life, family, the dog, job, home and possible love interests (in his case, not mine). That’s what true friendship is about; just slipping easily into a deep place of sharing.

Then we went out for dinner with old school friends, Stan, Eve, Rob, Rick and Tracey, plus my husband Warren.

They drank – I was the completely sober driver – and we talked about everything. We covered wide ground, from San Francisco and gun laws to local body politics in our home town of New Plymouth. We also heard of Rick and Tracey’s overseas travels, and the moving-on plans of others.

Then we played a ridiculous game called Cards Against Humanity, which was hilariously un-PC and outrageously bad taste.

We belly-laughed, choked up with mirth and in some cases cried with hilarity.

Finally, at 2.45am, we called it a night. Now you can see why my blog didn’t get written.

Oh, but the joy of laughing with good friends. I still feel the buzz now as I write this – and there’s science behind why.

An international research team, led by Oxford University, found that when we laugh properly, as opposed to producing a polite titter, the physical exertion leaves us exhausted and thereby triggers the release of protective endorphins.

These endorphins, one of the complex neuropeptide chemicals produced in the brain, manage pain and promote feelings of wellbeing, the researchers say.

According to the team’s research paper, watching just 15 minutes of comedy with others increased pain threshold by an average of about 10 per cent.

“The fact that only this type of laughter releases endorphins has probably evolved as a way of promoting socialising amongst humans,” says the paper.

It points out that many studies have already shown that laughter is 30 times more likely to occur if you are with others than when alone. “The endorphin rush appears to be limited to a good belly laugh, shared with others.”

Funnily enough that old saying, “laughter is the best medicine”, is scientifically accurate and, believe me, old friends are definitely the best to belly-laugh with.