Whatever will be, will be...

By Virginia Winder 

From great pain has come great peace. 

This is not the "no pain, no gain" motto that we held fast to during surf club training in the '70s and '80s. 

This is a reaction to living with the ongoing agony of sciatica, caused by a herniated disc and pinched nerves. 

You hear people say "I've had a bit of sciatica" and I inwardly shake my head. I don't want it to sound like a competition, but that is as far removed as a sore gum is from a raging tooth abscess. Or a minor headache from a full-blown migraine. 

This past week has been the worst. I have read about pain spikes and this week I registered some 10s (out of 10) on the pain scale. 

I have learnt that to deal with pain of such magnitude I have to calm my central nervous system. To cool the fire, which runs from hip and pelvis, down my right thigh into my calf and foot, I meditate. I endlessly do guided mindfulness exercises with names like "compassionate hand", "kindness meditation", "full body scan" and "mindful breathing". Some are guided by Jon Kabat-Zinn and others by Dr Russ Harris. Both are exponents of mindfulness. 

Some days I have been laid flat and listening to their soothing voices has helped calm my nerve pain. 

In turn, I have found a deep well of peacefulness. 

A friend said today that she would be too impatient to live with the inconvenience of pain. But you can't know what or how you will endure until you face a challenge. 

I have been reading about chronic pain and illness - researching is in my blood. Listened to the audio book How to be Sick by American woman Toni Bernhard, which taught me about finding peace in solitude and how a confined life can still be a good life. 

Most applicable and helpful was the exquisitely written book Giving Yourself to Life by Deborah Shepard. Based in Auckland, she lives with chronic pain from sciatica and emotional pain from the destruction of her beloved Christchurch. Written as a journal, this book gave me great hope and inspiration. 

Without giving an Oscar thank you speech, my family and friends continue to give me loving support. 

And then there are the cats and dog, who are wonderful distractions. Oh the joy of a purring cat. 

There is relief in sight. 

On Wednesday, I am having surgery in Wellington to give this trapped nerve some room. The neurosurgeon is cautiously optimistic that the outcome will be good. I am hopeful, but also cautious. 

What I do know is that the path from pain leads to peace. So I go south fortified with mindfulness and a bit of Doris Day - whatever will be, will be...