Answering the call for help

By Virginia Winder

Friday was draining, but I would have done it all again.

I had a phone call, strangely, from a finance company that a friend was in a bad way, mentally.

My friend was having suicidal thoughts and was speaking to the company when everything became too much for him. The call person at the company, impressively, stayed on the line until I got to my friend. 

It was a hot Friday afternoon and my lovely friend was in distress.

My job was to be with him, give him support without judgement, without trying to fix him and to seek professional help.

I may have been through a lot in my life, but I do not have the professional expertise that others have. I am simply a supportive stop gap to stand alongside someone I care about.

As support, I listened, hugged and allowed my friend to let it out. I did not preach to him in any shape or form, which is not a helpful thing to do in this situation.

Listening is everything.

So is a practical plan.

Together, we made phone calls for support from the mental health team at the Taranaki District Health Board – when in need call the local crisis team. In this case it was the home-based acute mental health team who organised a doctor’s appointment for admittance into the acute adult mental health ward.

Now for anybody thinking that is extreme, if you have someone with suicidal thoughts – and a plan – you need to ensure they are safe. That is number one and the ward is a safe place.

If you can’t get hold of the crisis team or anybody else at mental health (they are busy people), you can call 111 for assistance. The police will help, especially in a matter of life and death.

Staying with my friend was paramount. If a person ever contacts you – even via a finance company – to say they have suicidal thoughts, you need to help. A swim at the beach or a Festival of the Lights gig (which I missed through exhaustion), are insignificant compared to being with a friend in need.

My friend, like myself, has ongoing episodes of mental unwellness. I’ve been there for him before and will always be available to stand at his side until he gets the help he needs. I had to keep him safe, so a few hours or even several on a hot Friday afternoon are nothing in the big scheme of things.

Most of you will have friends who may need you from time to time. Please be there for them. Just your presence is enough because sometimes it’s unsafe for us to be alone.

Thankfully my friend reached out for help, so this is also a message to any of you to do the same. You’ll know your rock solid supporters. Go to them. 

And when, and if, you are called for support, please help if you can. You could save a life.