Living in the now - trendy or truth?

By Virginia Winder

“Live in the now,” is the catch cry of everyone from Oprah to psychologists, self-help specialists to Buddhist leaders.

There are books about it, YouTube videos on it and social meme expounding “be present”.

They are shared so often that they are in danger of becoming clichés, if they haven’t already.

So what is all this “be in the moment” movement all about and is it just a trendy thing to say? 

But it’s not a new idea.

Back in 500-something BC, Buddha said: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

His words couldn’t be more relevant than now. Today we live a social-media-cell-phone-switched-on-selfie world, where our attention is constantly scattered. Let’s have a look at a familiar scenario.

Two friends, a man and a woman, are sitting in a café drinking coffee. Beside the man is his phone, which is constantly lighting up with alerts. Each time it does, he pauses and reads the screen, ignoring his old schoolmate. Then a text comes through and he answers it quickly, shutting her out as she shares about her job woes. In the face of his preoccupation she feels unimportant, annoyed and hollow.

   

On the other hand, her phone is on silent in her handbag. All of her attention is on her long-time friend and she leans forward as he talks about his latest break-up. She blocks out everyone in the café, even though she knows she’ll know a heap of people there. As a result, her buddy feels listened to, valued and replenished.

I’ve been guilty of being the bloke in this situation. Too often my children have complained I’m not listening to them and my husband has told me things I swear he’s never shared with me. I’ve been absent – immersed in reading something on my phone or being lost in my thoughts. I do dream a lot.

However, I would like to say that sometimes I can’t win when my son gets frustrated with me for not immediately answering a text. Like I don’t have a life. Like I couldn’t be driving, in the shower, at a movie, or god forbid, having a good time. But I digress.

So, to be a better wife, mother and friend, I’ve decided that when I’m with people I will fully focus on them. It’s a way of honouring these relationships by giving them all of me.

It’s not just about my phone and social media (which I am addicted to – oh the world it opens up for me in terms of news and stories), it’s about not drifting off in the middle of a conversation. It’s about being there. Totally.

And it’s about doing the same for myself.

Image: tattoos_by_zip

Sometimes getting lost in my thoughts can lead to downward spirals because I invent terrible scenarios that could happen in the future. Other times, I agonise over bad things that have happened in the past. Neither are helpful.

Living in this moment immediately stops the spiral. 

But again, what on earth does being present actually mean?

Alright, here we go. If I’m in the shower and start to get anxious about the day ahead, I focus on the warm water falling my body, breathe in the perfume of my shower gel, and open my mouth to taste the water. I am focused on my senses and suddenly the shower becomes a joyful experience.

When I write, I’m 100% present. Nothing else exists except my fingers tapping on the keyboard, the muse-releasing music in my ears and the words flowing on to the screen. There’s no place for yucky thoughts.

Doing art is the same, so is the process of making coffee and even driving. How many times have you followed the same route and got to your destination and not remembered any of the journey? That’s trance driving and not particularly safe. 

But I do allow myself to dream. Thoughts about writing are allowed to swirl through my mind, but only when I’m alone or in bed. I have a notebook with me all the time, so I can write down thoughts. You’ll see me at cafes in the next few months, pen scribbling over pages as I capture what I see.

Other places for total immersion in the now are swimming in surf, when the only thing that matters is the next wave. Or watching a TV programme or film with sub-titles (no time to play on your phone). Or at a dinner party with friends enjoying good food, great company and solving the problems of the world or belly-laughing. Or taking a flower photo.

Other ideas are to read a book, sit and listen to a whole music album, meditate, go walking or running, or dance at a concert. Soak it all in.

When I do an interview I’m totally there, full focused on my subjects and their story. Every single time I’ve done an interview, I have left feeling uplifted.

So my pledge to you is that, unless I meet you in the street and I’m running late, I will be with you. Now. In the moment. Present.

To me this idea isn’t a cliché, but a practical tool to live mindfully and well.

When you think about it, living in the moment means throwing yourself into every situation and being totally involved. None of this half-hearted living for me.