In a flash, 25 years have gone by

By Virginia Winder

Today, it’s 25 years since we lost Mum and Dad, Howard and Florence Winder, in an unexplainable car crash.

It was probably caused by the fatigue that comes with serious sleep apnoea, which Dad had.

The results of his sleep test were opened and read after they left New Plymouth with their dog Carly for a six-week camping holiday up north. It was too late.

Mum had an ulcer on her leg, so had it dressed at the medical centre that morning. In the weeks following their crash into a bank at Otorohanga (in a 50km zone), their doctor told my sister Felicity and I that if he had opened his mail earlier that day, he would have advised Dad not to drive. 

Timing is everything.

The doctor did organise for us to see an ear, nose and throat specialist, who explained about sleep apnoea and why it was likely Dad fell asleep at the wheel. That gave me some peace.

It was about 4pm on a hot Tuesday afternoon when Dad drove across the main road, through a fence and into a bank, without braking. Their car was packed with camping gear including half-a-dozen foldable tables.

Mum and Dad died at the scene, with people from nearby businesses beside them. We met a couple of these men later, thanked them and were able to hear about those final moments, learning our parents weren’t conscious, so weren’t in pain. That was comforting.

Mum was 68 and Dad was 67. They were the colourful, caring and comedic cornerstone of our lives and to lose them so suddenly felt like the core of my being, others may say soul, was shredded.

Carly survived the crash and went to live with my brother Mark and his wife Rose.

We guerilla-planted a golden totara at the spot of the crash, and it has soared. In 2019, we had a plaque made for the tree and had a family gathering to ceremoniously attach it to the trunk.

Thank you to the many people who say they stop at the tree to talk with Mum and Dad, or drive past looking, remembering and throwing hellos from car windows.

While it’s now a quarter of a century since Mum and Dad have been gone, and pain has been replaced by peace, on this day every year, I let myself feel it all.

That’s so those wonderful weirdos, our fun-loving, open-minded parents, are dearly and clearly remembered. Today comes with a soundtrack – Frank Sinatra and Barbra Streisand, of course.