On the edge of addiction

By Virginia Winder

My legs are wriggle-aching like fish on a hook. Jerk, stretch, thrash. 

My arms feel the same - twitch, quiver, clench. 

A low-level headache pulses in my frontal lobe and behind my eyes. I've been shivery cold and sweaty hot. Throw in diarrhoea and nausea and you've got the entire picture - one of withdrawal symptoms. 

When I was in the three-month torment of sciatica that hovered between 6 and 10 on the pain scale I was given codeine, then Tramadol, Sevredol and long-acting morphine. The pain still fired and the doses went up. 

At my peak of painkiller taking I was on 40mg of long-acting morphine twice a day and, 10mg Sevredol (fast-acting morphine) every four hours. This was taken with ibuprofen and paracetamol. 

They barely touched the pain because the surgeon found a piece of jagged

bone sticking into my nerves. 

When I woke up from surgery the sciatica pain that had cursed me from right hip to foot was gone. 

But my need for painkillers hadn't. 

I was physically in need of morphine. 

There are thousands of people like me, who get hooked on opiates, not from dabbling with illicit drugs, but through a medical event. 

I've weaned myself off the morphine but it took time - just under two weeks in total. 

I wasn't perfect either. There were nights when my wiggle-twitching limbs sent me seeking another pill to help settle me down to sleep. I began to wonder if I'd ever get off this powerful but useful opiate, derived from opium poppies. 

The thought of a full-blown addiction terrified me and yet this is a reality for many. 

But I was lucky because my body was having the reactions, not my mind. I was not psychologically hooked, didn't need morphine for my brain or my moods. I got no feelings of euphoria because the drug was only working on my pain. 

It was just the physical effects that churned me up when it was time to cut it out. 

But imagine being on higher doses and for much longer.  

Those addicted to morphine may, according to www.morphineaddictionhelp.com have:

* Loss of control that results in compulsive use.

* Continuation of behavior despite adverse consequences.

* Obsession or preoccupation with obtaining and using the substance.

By tonight I will be 72 hours without morphine. 

And just to make sure I can't regress, I packaged up the morphine sulphate, the Sevredol, Tramadol and codeine and, between dark-as-night thunderstorms, walked the lot back to the pharmacy across the road. 

I'm now opiate free and so is my home. It's a damn good feeling. 

But I also have deep feelings of empathy for those living the nightmare of addiction - especially those who become hooked from a medical event, whether physical or mental. 

It could've been me.