Read me like a book

I was up front for John Grant, one of my favourite artists.
Photo: Warren Smart

By Virginia Winder

It was a weird Womad for me. 

Normally I'm up front dancing and submerging myself in the rhythms and voices of other cultures, grinning at my friends in joy. 

Alas, pain and being a book in the Living Library changed everything. 

Since the library began a few years back it's been one of my favourite parts of Womad. 

I've rushed to the Kunming Gardens to choose two "books" because I adore hearing people's stories. 

This year, I was a book, which meant people could take me out and I would tell them one or both of two life stories. These were living with bipolar and surviving a suicide attempt. Lovely jolly subjects to share. 

I was terrified. 

But the people who came to "read" me were all open, kind and respectful. They didn't even mind me lying down on the job cos of my back. 

At one stage I said: "I'm so grateful to be alive."

A young woman asked me: "What are you grateful for?"

It was a good question and one I turned to my phone to answer, because I'd been writing just that in an unfinished blog. 

This is what I read:

"A bird alighting on a bare maple tree. The sun illuminating the tips of our nikau palm. Being drenched by warming winter sun while sitting on our orange couch. These were the little things I was thankful for after surviving my suicide attempt. 

Then there were the big things - being held by my husband while going to sleep; watching my daughter graduate with a degree in industrial design; seeing my son go off to film and TV school. There are a hundred more things I'm grateful for - learning about self-compassion, re-connecting with the practice of mindfulness, my ever-faithful friends, my steadfast family, our adoring animals, the wild Tasman sea, the list goes on and on...

You see you cannot go through a near-death experience without changing, hopefully for the better. 

Another huge thing for me has been writing the story of a man who survived cancer four times and who has been well for 23 years. 

Alan Berryman taught me that to survive you can't replicate the circumstances that made you unwell in the first place. 

He has a whole plan for survival and his words resonated with me."

Alan was also a book at Womad. 

By the end, he was tired but elated. 

I was completely wiped. 

Writing is infinitely easier for me than telling my story in person, especially while battling beastly pain. Sciatica is a bastard. 

In the end I was over me. 

But it was a worthwhile experience - and there were many people who left me with thankful hugs, with wet eyes and, hopefully, more understanding and acceptance about bipolar. 

Today I was rapt to read that Kiwi movie Dark Horse won best movie and Cliff Curtis best actor at the Seattle International Film Festival.

Dark Horse is about a chess genius, who lives with bipolar. Curtis deserves an Oscar for his performance. 

Performance. That's what I missed at Womad. It was all there, but I wasn't. Although I did get to see one of my favourite artists, John Grant.

Next year, I'll be up front dancing again...